Friday, May 20, 2011

Musings of a Caffeine Addict

Forgive me for I drank two cups of a coffee this morning and have just enjoyed a mug of Chocolate Rocket tea, from David's Tea (yum!) Top that off with a great conversation with a much loved and greatly missed friend, and I'm feeling curiously elated, despite the fact that it is raining outside, yet again.

But I am sitting outside. Yes, outside, on my laptop, in the rain. On my porch. Screened in and completely sheltered. You know, a screened-in porch had never even made my "must have" list: in fact, I had never even fathomed placing it on my "would like to have" list, you know, the list with the soaker tub. I actually don't even think I had considered that such a thing existed. It's not that I didn't know it existed, I just... had never really been in one I guess! Shocking? Maybe. But we just don't have these out West! Anyways, considering I never even considered wanting one, now that I have one I don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to plain old "outside." Now, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Our porch has only been opened up and used in the last few weeks. But I love it!! I've eatten lunch out here. I've written blogs out here, currenly surrounded by the sounds of falling rain, cars on wet roads, cooing doves, and crackling grackles. Last Friday, Ian and I sat out here with a glass of wine after he got home from work. And we sat out here all evening. I went and got the guitar at some point, and Ian played the guitar out here until at least 9PM. It was absolutely lovely. And now, today, it's warm out, but raining. And I'm still enjoying the sounds of the outdoors and the fresh air, and the smell of lilacs! Lilacs!!! I just painted my toe nails out here. What a perfect place to do that, so that the house doesn't smell like nail polish when Ian gets home, because I know he really hates that smell. And I can't smell it either, because I can smell the beautiful, fresh, lilacs! And now I'm sitting with my feet up, my toe nails drying, and typing on my computer. Even though it rains! *sigh* This might be heaven. Aaah, and now the sun! The sun shine has finally broken through the clouds and stopped the rain in it's tracks!

Back to the part about the conversation with the good friend. Do you have friends like that, when you talk to them you just feel refreshed? It started raining again outside, towards the end of my conversation, and yet, when I got off the phone I thought "what a glorious day!" When things aren't going your way, or unfortunate events occur, having a good friend to talk to makes everything seem.. well.. alright. Especially after the tears last night, I'm not sure exactly where they came from, except that I'm feeling pretty alone these days (as I do most days I guess.) But I feel so completely blessed right now to think that I have such a person in my life, even though she's so far away.

Another thought has occured to me in my caffeine-induced state. Time spent at home. I've been "at home", ie. not working, for nearly 11 months now, although within that time we moved across the country, and I have worked three temporary jobs, but never longer than 3 weeks at a time. So I've finally figured out why weekends always seemed to pass so quickly. Its because time spent away from work must pass at a different rate than time spent at work. I am home, pretty much all day, every day these days, and it boggles my mind how I can get so little done some days! When we were painting, I feel like that's all I did. I breathed, ate and slept painting. Now I must say, I got a heck of a lot done, but I got pretty tired of working on the house all the time. It's like, that was my day job, then Ian would come home from work and we'd just keep at it. We got a lot done, yes, but it's all I've done, and on the days he didn't come home and get to work on something, it felt like I was fixing this house up all by myself. Obviously the time I've spent on it greatly outnumbers the time he's spent on it. And that's no fault of his, one of us has to work! Actually, both of us has to work, but that's another story and one that doesn't seem to be going my way. Anyways, point is, I've become pretty unmotivated with it all, and haven't done a whole lot. In the past few weeks I've done quite a bit of work on my family tree, and quite a bit of work on my wedding scrapbook. But I haven't done any sewing. I haven't done a whole lot of cleaning. In fact, it's nearly 3:30 and I haven't even done the dishes today. So what do I do with my time? I have no idea! That's the thing, I'm thinking there must be some sort of time-warp at home, where time passes at a different rate than it does at work. Previously, at work, I'd get an amazing amount accomplished in a day. Maybe it's just that there are more distractions here. But even if I count the distractions as work, it never comes close to adding up. Maybe it's the time spent writing a blog, browsing blogs, checking email, and checking facebook, that are preventing me from getting anything done. Maybe it's just that I simply don't feel like doing much of anything. I feel like finding a job. I desperately feel like finding a job. But I'm not sure where else to look. So I check job postings, send out my resume, check job postings, re-write my cover letter, send my resume, and repeat... And I pretty much do that off and on all day. Someone once told me if you want to find a full-time job, you have to work full-time to do it. Maybe that's where my head is at. But after 11 months, I certainly do feel like I must not be trying hard enough.

Soo I think those are enough ramblings for one Friday afternoon. Sorry about this!

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