Thursday, February 3, 2011

everything's better where ever I'm not.

Everything's better back home…

It's hard not to get sucked into that, "everything was better back home" vortex…

Ian has a bad day at work and I think, "he loved his job back home.. He rarely had a bad day.."

It snows and I think, "it rarely snows back home..." Or I think "this is nothing! I've seen more snow back home!"

I want to go somewhere during the day and I think, "it was easier to get around with only one car back home…"

I go grocery shopping and I can't find what I want, for example, mandarin oranges. They're my favourite winter fruit, every year since as long as I can remember I have looked forward to them arriving in produce departments. My mom put them in our stockings every year. I haven't seen any here. I think to myself, "you can buy whole cases of them back home!"

When we are trying to think of something to do, I think, "there was so much to do back home.."

When I'm bored I think, "I wouldn't be bored back home…"

When I'm lonely I think, "I had friends back home, if we were back home I could see them…"

When I'm scanning postings for a job, checking my ever decreasing bank balance, or even standing in my kitchen and picture the renovations I've been dreaming of, I think, "back home I had a job, a well-paying job…"

Every time I'm feeling frustrated or unhappy, I think this. For just a fleeting minute.. And then I remind myself that it's not entirely true.

Things were not perfect "back home." There were times I was bored, times my friends weren't around, times I hated my job… Yes, Ian had a good job, and yes, he loved his job. And yes, he loved Vancouver, but he didn't love being so far from his family.
Yes, it snows in Vancouver. Not often, not a lot, but it does snow. Worse yet, it rains. It rains all the time. Winter drags on, a long, dull, gray, drizzly fog… At least there is sun here in the winter! Yes we only have one car, but honestly, I don't have very many places to go. I don't have friends here, so it's not like I'm going to see them. I don't have a job. I can grocery shop in the evenings and on the weekends. So really, I don't need the car. And if I do, I can drive Ian to work and pick him up afterwards. When I get a job, we'll get another car. No point in having a car with no job to pay for it.

Mandarin oranges. I got Mandarin Spice tea in my stocking this year. It was really nice of Ian to think of that. And Tangerines taste almost the same. Except they have seeds. The one I tried did anyways.

We got bored "back home." Many weekends passed where we did nothing, because we couldn't think of anything to do, or maybe we just didn't feel like venturing out in the big city… There were also many times we wanted to go for hikes, or bike rides, or just quiet walks, and couldn't think of anywhere to go. There will be lots of opportunities for that here, when the weather warms up.

Yes, I have friends "back home," and often I got to see them when I wanted to. But they work, too. They have lives. They have significant others. There were lots of times I was lonely and no one was "available." And now, they're still only a phone call away.

And when I was "back home" I thought "things would be better if we were out of the city.." and "things would be better if we had our own place..." and "things would be better if we owned a house, with our own yard!" and of course "things would be better if we were closer to one of our families..."
I guess I meant "things would be better if we were closer to my family, in a house we owned in the small big city of Vancouver, where prices were much more affordable, and all my friends were around when I wanted them.. Oh, and we both had good paying jobs and cars and no bills....

1 comment:

  1. You know it is another one of those moments where you always think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But remember in the winter everyone's yard looks the same.

    Sounds a little like you have cabin fever, it's cold and yucky and your not getting any vit D from the sunshine so you are stuck in the dulldrums. Once the sun comes out to stay you will feel better.

    Hey why don't you go and join a gym or even a walking group something to get out there and away from your tv and laptop.

    The whole thing will look Greener soon you just gotta get out there lady, go volunteer at the library making crafts with kids or volunteer somewhere I am sure there must be something there to get you out there. and alot of people will appreciate the time.