I know I have a bad attitude sometimes. I can be negative. I assume the worst is going to happen. This is not a good quality. I justify it by saying I prepare for the worst so that I can be happy with the turn out, whatever it may be, rather than disappointed or unprepared. I'm happier being right then feeling let down. But being "right" isn't everything. I want to go into this move hoping for the best, rather than preparing for the worst. I want to be happy and naive. I'm not sure why I equate naivety with happiness... Maybe I think you'd have to be stupid to think everything was going to turn out wonderful. Not a good attitude, right?
I'd like to change this. I'd like to click my fingers, or my heels together, or something, and make this negativity go away. I'm a pessimist. I'd like to be an optimist. Prepare for the unexpected, but not expect the worst. I know this move will be a difficult life adjustment for me, but I'd like to go into it knowing I can handle whatever life throws at me, and that everything happens for a reason (which I do believe, absolutely), and that everything will turn out all right "in the end." This in itself is an illusion. I don't believe in "happily ever after." I know life goes on after that, and not all of it will be happy. Some will be miserable and difficult, and I hate difficult!!! But I don't want to assume that this will end up horrible and my life will unravel. It won't. I'm tougher than I look. I may have a miserable attitude, but I'll be able to handle it. I just hope I don't push people away who are trying to help me...
I need to keep reminding myself of this. I can handle this. I am starting fresh. This could be a wonderful thing for our future, and I need to go into this with a hopeful and positive attitude. While it may be hard work, I know that I can handle it, and I will have my husband at my side.
I am the luckiest girl in the world. I really do have the best husband. He is absolutely supportive of me no matter what. He encourages me, he loves me, he cuddles me when I'm down, he works hard, he takes care of me when I'm not feeling well, he washes the dishes when my ezcema breaks out on my hands and he never complains about it, he has never yelled at me... I want to make him happy. He deserves this move. He deserves a positive attitude and support from me. He came here to be with me. This is what he wants, and I want him to be happy.
The cup is half full.