Suffocating

It's hot here today. And muggy. Wet, and rainy. My whole body feels heavy. A run is definitly needed but I find it hard to catch my breath just walking around the house this morning. The doors and windows are all open. To let some fresh air in I believe. Maybe it's cooler outside than it is in here. I just know I woke up finding it hard to breath. Uncomfortable. This bed is not the best, and I wake up eager to get out of it, but still tired and aching all over. Maybe I need to be busier during the day so I can sleep better. I'm getting bored now. We've been here nearly a month. I still don't feel at home. I feel like we're visiting here, still living out of suitcases, in a room that's not ours, sleeping in a bed we both dislike... I've woken up grumpy three days in a row, and it's not even PMS. I'm breaking out, and it's not due to an excessive amount of chocolate. I think stress is getting to me. It's hard to accept stress when you're not working, don't have many bills to pay, and seem to be having an extended vacation... But the stress is there, none the less, maybe for all of those same reasons.

We want a house. We've been pre-approved for a small mortgage, and a little goes a long way here if you're careful. But we won't rush into anything, Ian hasn't even started work yet, and I still don't even have a job. I should get a job, but the thought of tutoring just doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to do it. Right now, I don't even miss teaching. I don't miss the kids. I miss money. I think I need to try something new... But I don't know what to do.

I hate waiting. Waiting for something to happen, waiting for things to get going... It's all in the works, but I'm not a very patient person. I like to feel like I have control over things. I like to feel like I'm actively involved in getting things going. I feel like much of what I need to do right now is be patient. Think positive. Breath in. Breath out.