Sharing

The hardest part about coming here has been having to share my husband. He's been all mine for 5 years. He went to work during the day (so did I), played badminton maybe two nights a week, and occasionally met up with friends... Otherwise, I had him all to myself, apart from the numerous trips here over the years. I had to share him a bit then. I've liked having him all to myself. When we came home from work we'd chat, cook dinner together, watch TV, fiddle on our computers, chat some more... Just across the room from each other. I could roll my eyes, gasp at the TV, growl and wave my fists when something was frustrating me, and he was there to notice. Sometimes we'd go for dinner with friends, or have people over for waffles, or have family stay from out of town. But mostly, it was just the two of us. We got to spend a lot of quality time together. Given that, maybe it's surprising we're still together. We've lived each other for 5 years. And I miss it.

It's sort of making me reconsider if I ever want children. I'm selfish that way. I've liked having him all to myself. It's been difficult getting use to sharing him. Now, when he gets home from work I barely get a hello. Today was better, today I got a hello kiss. But other days I'm just part of the crowd. On his first day at work we all sat around when he got home so he could tell us all about it together, and wouldn't have to repeat it. He sometimes sits downstairs, sometimes in the living room upstairs. I usually sit in the bedroom we're sleeping in so that my computer can be plugged in... or I read... It's not really my home here... I feel a bit like I'm hiding away... But I'm trying to stay out of the way. And I like my alone time. But for 5 years my alone time has included my husband. Suddenly my alone time is either really alone, or with 3 other people. He's been like a part of me. I miss him. It's funny how you can feel lonelier surrounded by people than you can when you're really on your own.

I know it's good to share, but do I have to??